Bec’s family
Tell us a bit about your family
I am a single mum with two beautiful (and totally opposite!) children. My eldest is a deeply inquisitive and philosophical soul who would happily spend all day asking questions about the world. My younger child loves the company of friends & family, and finds joy and delight in the simplest of everyday things. Occasionally I am asked about the additional needs my eldest “has”. My eldest child has a God who loves him and made him SWC: “So Wonderfully Complex” (Ps 139:14a NLT). On a more practical level and for those who wish to know or learn more, his brain is best described with the words Autism, PDA, and ADHD, and he was first diagnosed at age 4.
What are some of the joys of parenting a child with a disability?
My eldest has an incredible mind, and deep, sensitive heart and soul. He is thoughtful and loving, and has an incredible curiosity for learning about the world, about God, about science, about anything - and he blows me and his teachers away regularly. He loves his family, his dog, constructing things (both on a computer and in real life), camping, and reading. The way he sees things and is able to increasingly articulate what he experiences, has shifted my perspectives more times than I can count and allowed me to experience the world in a way I never would have without him.
What are some of the challenges that you have faced while parenting a child with a disability?
He also has some real struggles and challenges with things that would seem like simple tasks to others, because his brain ticks so differently. What his diagnoses mean for him is that he lives in an almost-constant state of higher-than-usual anxiety and overwhelm, which can also skyrocket incredibly quickly. He is constantly on high alert and doesn’t cope when there is too much input or demand placed on him, or a perceived lack of control. What that means for us on a daily basis, is dealing with many, often violent, meltdowns, regular refusal to leave the house or engage in everyday tasks and lots of effort put into prevention and reduction of anxiety. He struggles to get to sleep, and struggles to cope with instructions, changes, and social settings.
How has your faith been stretched or grown on your parenting journey?
Having a child with such increasingly challenging needs has tested everything - including my faith. So many days I have cried out to God when I have had nothing left... and He has never failed me. There are many days where He has been all that has carried me through. God not only sustains me, but He meets me and walks intimately with me on this journey. Throughout the challenges in my life, I’ve only ever found God to be faithful. He keeps promises, and His word is always true. Ironic as it seems, the more challenges and hardships that come, the more I experience His goodness and grace. On a practical level though, it has meant some hard choices. I have had to very carefully consider the capacity I have, for example, for work, study, or ministry commitments, and they have had to be moved down the priority list at times.
Do you have any words of encouragement to share with other families of children with a disability?
Parenting a child with a disability is one of the most testing, challenging, confronting, and yet rewarding and transforming journeys to which God calls us. On my hardest days, I remember in whose arms my children and I are held. Walking such a journey as a single parent then brings its own set of additional challenges. If you are a Christian single parent of a child with a disability / additional needs, do reach out. You will need your village.
How can the wider church support your family?
Just listening, even by reading this (so thanks for reading!), and/or reading and learning more about the particular struggles involved in having a child with PDA and ADHD. If you are in leadership at a church and have families with similar struggles or diagnoses, ask them what could help or be of support for their particular situation. And, of course, prayer. Pray God will continue to sustain, refine, and be illuminated even in our hardest days. Pray this journey brings opportunities to share of His goodness with others.
Where are you based?
We are based in South-West Sydney.
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The views and opinions expressed on this site are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of The 139 Collective. As a collective, we seek to humbly learn from each other’s experiences and remember the unity that we share in Christ even when our current viewpoints on the difficult topic of disability differ.
